Thursday, November 5, 2009

Adventures of Peas and Nars

Last night, Nars and I went last min to catch Lenny Kravitz at the Taber - nacle. Here's a pic she took with her iphone. Freakin sweet venue. It looks like one of those old gothic/Victorian churches mixed with the underground Athens bar scene. I kinda felt dirty and wanted to break out my sweetpea antibacterial gel but i refrained, because moonlighting as a groupie is NOT about cleanliness. It's about drugs, sex, alcohol and of course, the love of music.

I was expecting to scalp tickets. All day I was sharpening my awesome haggling skills and of nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, and computer hacking skills. Nars, secretly, called up friends and asked around for tickets. She's the kind of girl that can't bargain a, ever. If some homeless man walked up to her to sell her a ticket for $200 when MSRP is $50, she'd hold her head down, say, "okay", and hand him a wad of cash. I on the other hand, am adamant about having things done my way. I always haggle. I guess it's just the raggamuffin in me. :) Anyway, Nars got 2 tickets. Her friend had put'em up for Lenny's guestlist. So far, so good.

When we walked in we were immediately overwhelmed and excited. I know rock concerts at the Tabernacle is not really her thing, but she came with me anyway, because she is just down like that and i've always had the hots of Lenny. First there was a cover artist strumming away on his guitar and harmonica for about 45 min. And then we had to wait about an hour and a half before the lights dimmed again and the steady bass filled the room. However before the concert began, Nars and I were standing next to this fatass blond white-trash bitch. She kept elbowing Nars and whipping her ugly ass nappy hair in her face. She kept trying to push me out of the way, BEHIND her. Oh hells no. For about an hour, Nars and I were battling this succubus and her douchebag boyfriend. At one point, i had to kimchee squat down in a sea people because i felt like I was going to have a panic attack and throw up. yes, again. FREAKINGAYE. my last one was in NYC in a bar. I'm going to have to find a regular source of xanybars or a prescription or something. Anyway, this succubus was scoffing at me saying, "omigosh she's tripping!! look at her she's tripping!!!" I replied by giving her the "F you" glare, and yelled, "I'm NOT f***ing tripping!" Then this succubus then has the audacity to say, "oh haaail no, someone better get her out of my face before I kick her ass..." Nars was going to throw down, but she was wearing sky high heels of course and would've toppled over like a tree.

It was REDICK: My panic attack, standing in a mosh pit full of sweaty people, succubus...etc...and then boom boom pow...the guitar riffs are insane and everyone starts going crazy. I feel like it's a music video and my heart is pounding with excitement. Lenny Kravitz is an amazing performer. I was blown away by his stage presence... the way he moves is indescribably sexy.

After a couple of songs, i felt light-headed and had to get air. Nars and I pushed and shoved our way out of the mosh pit and sat on some stairs...

Peas: Man, is it snobby of me to never want to go anywhere unless i'm VIP?

We 86-ed the last 15 min of the concert and decided to fill our bellies with some Korean food. Why does Korean food taste so derishious after hours?!?! All. Those. Calories.=( I had ahltang and Nars had galbi jeem...i think that's what it was. Afterwards, we made a pitstop at Gold Room, formerly known as The Gold Club which used to be Atlanta's premier topless bottomless prostitution ring--i mean strip club. It got shut down for prostitution, fraud, money laundering, federal racketeering, and a lot of other things stemming from its superclose ties to the mafia. The Gold Club was a notorious watering hole for celebrities, lawyers, professional athletes, and mafiosas. It had grandiose private champagne rooms where favored entertainers and athletes could have sex. And there was definitely a LOT of sex going on in these champagne rooms! After they shut down, it was rented out to a church for a bit o.O, and then bought back by businessman Jonathan Clay and flipped into a nightclub. It was also the after party for the Kravitz concert.

I drove home paranoid, because my sister called and said there were mad cops on the road. I hate driving at night. I always think (a) i'm being followed or (b) i'm being followed by a cop.

In conclusion, my mission was a success: I moonlighted and pranced around like groupie. I threw up the horns and bobbed my head up and down to the beat of the drums. I swooned when I saw Leonard Albert "Lenny" Kravitz. And when I think about him...i still blush. :) You know, he's REALLY short in real life. And he's got a HUGE head...well, maybe that's the fro.

Next mission is to infiltrate the musician's inner circle and quite possibly, his LIFE! muhahaha....
that didn't sound creepy at all...

tata my lovers,

No comments:

Post a Comment