Wednesday, March 17, 2010

It just dawned on me for no reason that everything i wear is Forever21 or my mother's circa 1960-1980 or someone's mother's from somewhere in America who donated it to the Salvation Army and it somehow ended up in Georgia into my paws, and of course, there's the rare and random designer label tossed into the fray for good measure. I don't own many designer label threads. I like to clothe myself in trash with the occasional fur to hide it. I wish i could be a silk-drapen kewpie doll w/ exaggerated eyes and a kohl mole, but i'm more like... i dunno, Oliver Twist? Please sir, i'd like some more glamour! *my best british accent*

ANYHOOS, Chelsea Handler, I LOVE U SO.

She is the funniest woman on television. Hands down. No competition. I freaking adore her. To sum her up in all her Jewish glory, one word: deadpan.

Speaking of embarrassing, she shares that her family is totally embarrassed by the things she says:

Yes, they are completely embarrassed. My dad threatened to sue me. I was on 'The Today Show,' and I said he's dating his 20-year-old Jamaican cleaning lady and he said, 'Please don't say that. I don't want people to think I'm off the market.' And I'm like, nobody wants you on the market, because you're so gross and you look like a bowling ball. Then he said that he could sue me and I said, 'No, because you'd have to borrow the money off me to sue me, so no.'

The prodigal blonde bloggettes have retuhhhhned! *bow* Could we beeeee any worse at updating? You can always grasp the level of our busybee-ness through our absence on the blogosphere. Retarded? Yesh. Inexcusable seeing as we check facebook everyday? Yesh! Apologies!

Well the Piscean Bday Party @ MF Room was a sexess. We got totally skewered. Tossed. Vinaigrette'd. Dash of salt and peppa. Toss some salt over the back. As you can see by the lack of snazzy photographic evidences, I could hardly take a straight picture. Half came out blurry, half came out sloppy, half came out seeeeeriously incriminating (and not in the ugly way.) I need to make sure to hand the camera over to someone else at all times if i'm going to get like that. I have few memories and it was such a dazzling night, too. =*( I even got a bday hug from Owen Wilson who inexplicably sauntered in w/ entourage at 2:45ish am. (MF Sushi closes at 2). One of his entourage eyeballed me. I was almost reaching my blackout level at that point, but i still noticed him staring at me. He was most likely thinking, "i want whatever she's on" b/c i looked crajeeballs, i know it.

The next day, one of our good friends stopped into ATL for a layover. I was so hungover i couldn't believe i wasn't an amoeba. (usually i turn into a squiggling amoeba after a wild night of pahtee pahtee). But i was inexplicably still hoomanoid. I threw a baseball cap on and Astrid and i set out for Hartsfield International! What was supposed to be a simple Park sister layover hijack to the nearest hotel bar for some mini shenanigans turned into full out brouhaha. We did very bad things in between downing caipirinha after caipirinha, patron shot after patron shot.... and we ended up checkin into the hotel! We obviously didn't make it to Primal Nightclub like we had planned. =( We even had a table and bottle service awaiting us! That's how drunk we got at around 9:30pm.

I woke up with a phone full of drunken bbms (bbms that iiiii sent out to my friends that make me look CRAZY, and not to mention, STALKERISH!) a pounding headache and sore throat, and a vague recollection of annoying the bartender by playing the guessing game with his age. Astrid and i kept guessing 33 and up. He turned out to be 25. A sensitive issue as it turns out!!--he's prematurely balding. =( Crawling around in the dark, Astrid and i proceeded to raid the minibar for gatorade, vitamin water, aNyYYTHINGGGG. A bunch of pellegrinos and club sodas and carbonated crap! Only one mini bottle of vitamin water. We all shared it. As God as my witness, i'll neva go thirsty again! *shaking fist at minibar fridge*

We made a dash for the airport and said our so longs, farewells, auf weidersens, jjai jjiens, nee hows, bbai la las, adieu's. We went back to the harsh realities that drugs and alcohol merely mask for a short while. Reality. It buuuuuuuurns.

Ha ha, just kidding! But that's totally what an emo kid would write in their blog. lol. We got back and ate IHOP which Elliot so kindly bought us. After that, i don't remember anything because i probably passed out. I think my mind turned off for quite some time after that. The next thing i remember is yesterday (Tuesday) and us popping into Jody's Upscale Consignments in Sandy Springs where there was this delicious beaded/sequined vintage top that we decided against because it was priced at a rip-off price. This is consignments, not Neiman Marcus. Vintage shouldn't cost as much as Currentage.

anyhoos, i'm still sick from the weekend and it's already midweek. It's taking longer and longer for me to recover from pahtees because i'm 27 now. But as Bunnie mused to my sis who mused to me: "i'd rather be seasoned than bland." somethin like that.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Hello guys and dolls! The past few weeks have been a flurry. As you know, Bunnie came and went and among the things we did together was go to Rathbuns. It was my first time eating there. This is probably blasphemous, but i thought it was just like every other steakhouse i've been to. But the company was exquisite - my best friend, sister, and boyfriend. Happyballs! Maybe i should taste the food next time rather than nibble on it as anjoo (chaserfood) for my jack and diets. The funny thing is that the restaurant is located in the ghetto somewhere in downtown Atl (as most outstanding resorts/dining experiences/ivyleagueschools are. As we turned a corner in the ghetto, Challs pointed out a guy in a white shirt standing next to the street sign and swore he was there the last few times he went to eat at Rathbuns. Total drug dealer. Me: "Wonder what's he got...?!!" Challs: "Hurry, go ask him." Astrid & Bees: *giggle giggle*

What else happened while we didn't update our precious blob. Hmm. My sis flew to NYC again. I was going to just drop her off at the airport but i had to go #2 sooo freakin bad. I had to go sooo badly that i decided to freakin park and walk into the airport with her. That was the most expensive poop i ever took.

I skipped class the other day to go shopping with Astrid. It may sound like vapidness overload and all, but i'm pretty smart (in the sense that i never study and always make A's - yes, i am one of those a-holes) and my classes sometimes bore me to the point of drunkenness. Moreover, some of my classmates are retarded; thus, on occasion, i have to get out for fear of suffocation by dumbassness. Anyhoos, I got a nude Herve Leger banded high waisted skirt. it's so gorgeous. I die when i envision it in my closet. I am def wearing it to next Fri's festivities. (FYI: Astrid, Sophia Yun, Sophia Shin, and i are throwing a joint bday blowout on March 12th @ MF Room.)

When i was trying it on in the dressing room, the flaming dr pepper storekeeper kept swooping the curtain aside to hand me items to try on with it, a nude knit blouse, a leather gladiator belt, freakin costume jewelry pieces he thought looked perfect with the ensemble. and i was, like, naked. except for my sexy leopard print braaaa... aaaand.... granny panties. I bet he was thinking, wtf, this girl is just confuuuuzed. AnDEN, after i was sure he couldn't possibly have more items for me to throw on, i slid out of my granny panties because... come on... it's Herve Leger. you can't wear underwear. But of course he prances in all johnny weir-dly and hands me a different color. Dude, he totally saw my granny panties on the floor staring up at him all garishly. HA HA HA!!! Whateves. He probably barfed in his mouth.


When i wake up to brilliant mornings with the sun spilling into the room and the birds tweeting and the skies the deepest baby blue, i remember my dad's tenor voice singing "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" from the musical Oklahoma! and it takes me back to that time when i'd pause my busy thoughts and listen to him sing without even realizing it. Sometimes, i miss him. Like on this beautiful morning.