Fall...

With all the chaos surrounding the past couple weeks, i've failed to stop, pause, and take a breather. My sister's baby Mimi, a blond pomeranian who she raised since she was a baby and is now 6 yrs old, got attacked by a bull mix. (It's always a bull mix, isn't it?) Mimi almost died. She had emergency surgery at the top animal hospital in the Southeast and was placed in an ICU oxygen tank for 3 days in critical care. My sister was inconsolable and hysterical for days. She has experienced a lot of unspeakably crazy things in her life, but this was by a landslide the worst. I can talk about this ordeal now because mimi is on the road to recovery and because i think it's important for me to share with people who have lost a loved pet or even a family member, because Mimi is really a family member. Nearly losing Mimi really made us reassess our lives and what's important. Life is precious and God gives and he can just as easily take away. We have never prayed so hard in our lives. My mom who had been gone for a month flew in from Korea to tend to Mimi. We cried and prayed and prayed some more. It seemed so senseless to my sister and me, but my mom reminded us that not even a sparrow falls from the sky without God knowing it. And he demonstrated his mercy to our family in this. And here we are, nursing Mimi back to health and chewing food in our mouths and spitting it out so she will eat. It will be awhile before she's back to normal. She can't bark or walk or eat on her own. She wets herself and she has nightmares and wakes up whining and squealing. But we are so full of thanks and wonder at how good God is. Funny that that's what it takes for us to be thankful again.

Fall seemed to come overnight and all the leaves are orange, red and yellow now. Atlanta weather is so fickle. So freakin fickle. Maybe that's why all the women are fickle. One day it's a warm 72 and the next day it's 45 and raining. I look at the trees changing colors and it's like a reminder of how transformation is a part of our existence. As I get older, I can't help but feel the responsibilities piling up, the stress that every day brings to the table. And I find myself formulating an escape. My very own Wonderland. I want to jump and fall into the dark abyss and get lost in a world that is incomparable to my own...where things are unorthodox and may seem crazy to the untrained-Wonderlandoutlandish eye.

Does this feeling of wanting to run away make me childish and maybe even selfish? French philosopher, Henri Bergson, once said, "To exist is to change, to change is to mature, and to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly." In my opinion, maturity is so often perceived incorrectly. Maturity isn't about being boring, self-righteous, owning a house, drinking wine with a pinky sticking out, or never going out on weekends. To me, it is the ability to put others before yourself. Maturity is laughing at yourself and knowing when to be immature. It is being open-minded enough to put your own objectives aside and to listen, humbly. Maturity is a state of mind and has nothing to do with age. And most importantly, it's about being able to recreate yourself and opening yourself to re-enlightenment and variety and experience.

Yeah, i realize running away from life's problems is actually IM-mature. But i find that as long as i get done what i need to get done, as long as i am a good daughter, sister, friend, and student of the world, i can have my sprinkles cupcake and eat it, too. Because what i do will prepare me. Where i go will sculpt me. The people i meet will teach me.