Mighty Morphin Power Ranger!

I used to be platinum.  And pinkimum.... and cardamom...

I mean, who the hell did I think I was??

You may remember this peatarded collage from my ilovepeas xanga days.  HAHA!  Remember xanga?  I was about 19 or 20 yrs old in this blast from the plast.  I look at this and wonder how i went to class with pink hair.  And how i managed a shag like that (i think i used wax?)  My sister cut my hair into that shag bob in college because i hated my long, curly hair at the time.  She didn't even use shears, she used those regular orange scissors.

I started club hopping at a wee age, around 16 yrs old.  I'd glam up and get into my tightest, bootiest revealingest dress, get to the club early, walk around like I owned the place, and then slowly slide into the cashier position and start collecting cover cash (so, so BAD!)  If anyone asked me what I was doing or whether or not I worked there, I'd stare them down like they were the world's biggest idiot, roll my eyes, and continue doing what I was doing. Obviously,  I was a very naughty clubkid. 

Sidenote:  being platinum is so much work.  The bleach.  The pain.  Did i mention the pain?  I never stayed at the salon for less than 5 hours, once every 3 wks.  Thinking about it now, I don't know how I had the patience to maintain it for as long as I did.

anDEN, one day I woke up and...POOF.

 I guess I thought that flipping a 180 would tame me.  My bf at the time sure did.  

Sorta.  To my grandparents and adults i was a better girl and more likely to be successful and find a good husband and all that zzzzzzz.  But inside, i felt like the same wacky Peabrain, only not as comfy in my skin.  Not that having dark hair wasn't fun or anything, but i missed the old me, and i felt like i didn't stand out anymore.  It took a lot of excitement out of my life, as lame as that sounds.  Plus, i felt like i had to tone down my personality to match my looks.  i was a sad pea and felt restricted and muted, just like i did while i was going out with my last boyfriend.  Disclaimer:  black hair isn't boring, btw.  i'm just reDICK and not used to it.  And it goes to show how stupid little superficial things like a gal's HAIR could have such an affect on how she feels about herself.  It's almost like gender roles or sumpthing. *shrugs* 

My sister already mentioned in a previous post...we weren't those kiddos that got jobs when we turned 16... except that 4-day stint at Putt Putt Golf and Games when i was a freshman in high school.  Work just wasn't our thing.  We're not spoiled or anything.  Honest.  Mum just thought it was best for us to focus on school.  So she never taught us the value of a dollar or what it means to work.  Now we know because we're older and reality has totally smacked me over the head, especially now that i'm out on my own.  And ever since i've been gypsying about on my own, a lot of people in the biz have told me that nobody will ever take me seriously if i don't tone it down and darken my locks.  Yes, my hair is a big deal and yes, i need to dye it! etc. etc... 

I considered it... and went darker.  Maybe everyone's right.  Maybe i have to.  I have to change me to be just right.  That lasted for about a month and i went back to my old hair again.  Not the crazy platinum of my extreme youth, but the dirty blonde/ash light brown i have today.  A compromise.  My light hair makes me oh so heppy.  HAHA.   And I can honestly and confidently say that I am a mixture of blonde and brunette, work and play, child and adult...a constant mighty morphin power ranger.

Lesson learned:  beeee yourself!  Do what makes you happy.  Be comfortable in your skin! :)  happy hippy thoughts today, my friends.

Somewhere

This film will be Stephen Dorff's The Wrestler.  

2010 Winner of the Golden Lion, the Venice Film Festival's top prize.

HOLY MOTHER OF HOTNESS.

Oh GAWD.  I just got a dorky, fanfiction BONER from seeing my most favorite actress in the universe, MICHELLE WILLIAMS, and quite possibly the hottest Canadian actor ever, Ryan Gosling, in this October W Mag cover.  I DIE because i'm one of those Notebook losers who becomes obsessed with the fantasy that the romance between two movie stars on film has secretly translated to real life and vice versa a la Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams.  The last time this type of fantasy became a fulfilling reality for me was when Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger hooked up on the Brokeback Mountain set.  I was so deathly happy.  And then when i read that Michelle and Ryan were doing a Derek Cianfrance film together ~ and a superhot, borderline smutty indie flick at that ~ i dunno how to explain the feeling.  For you dudes, it's like if you're a Miami Heat fan and you find out Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, and LeBron James are all going to be on the same team.  Man, I need a new hobby or a new obsession that is socially acceptable or monetarily lucrative.  *cryingface*  But i can't help it!!!  SERIOUSLAHHH~ this COVER!  Everything's gonna explode 'n collapse from too much hotness!!!  How gorgeous a couple do they make?  I LOVE THEM.  i loved Ryan since The Believer where his self-loathing character plays a Jewish boy who hides his Jewiosity behind his Skinheadosity.  I downloaded and watched it in Korea some years ago, and i was like zoh. my. got.  he's going to be a STAH.  And then he was awesome in Half Nelson, and then he was weird and lovable in Lars and the Real Girl.  I think he's the real deal... all those Mickey Mouse Club alums are.  I'm telling you now, Michelle Williams is going to become a megastar.  She's ridiculously talented and nobody has a more expressive, emotive, pixie-perfect face for the big screen.

I cannot WAIT for Blue Valentine. It's already the movie of the year for me!

Hair...Netflix...Hollywood Hills...Ktown...Etc.

Currently on Rotation:  Midnight Coward by Stars

Current Mood:  Contemplative

MLK once said that if  you can't find something worth living for, you're not living at all.  So, I may not know exactly what I want to do with my life, but I'm damn sure that whatever it is, it won't be boring.

*I wrote that at 4am this morning...completely shitfaced. I know I know, so deep.*

Labor day weekend was very chilLAX.  I went to Beverly Hills, got my roots done, and then I basically wasted my freshly bleached hair by tying it up in a bun, locking myself indoors, getting into hibernation mode, and watching a billion movies on netflix...continual rotation for hours and hours...pausing only to run to the bathroom or pick up the phone.  BUT!  i'm not nearly as bad as my sister who famously "blacked out" on Sopranos, locking herself in a dark room for 3 days & watching six seasons straight.  That's 86 episodes.  Gross!  She says it's very possible to have TV blackout with the show "The Wire" as well.  I never saw The Wire.  And i never had a TV blackout, but it doesn't seem too cool.... and it didn't look so cool seeing her with bags under her eyes and gross hair when she finally came out of the dark room and into the light.  I prefer to watch TV like normal people, in healthy doses.  Not OD like a psycho.

Anyways, on Tuesday I started to get cabin fever... so I decided to call up a boybestie and went out for drinks.  Never again am I going to pretend that the night will end early, that I WON'T down shot after shot, that I won't lose an earring...OR A SHOE for that matter.  It's amazing how many jjakjehgee shoes I own--i've got myself a nice collection now.  Anyway, I got picked up and transported to Yamashiro in the Hollywood Hills.  The view is lovely.  Pam, from True Blood was there.  She looked kinda wrinkly, but still very pretty.

Anyway, they kicked us out just as we were getting in the drinking zone.  You know, that place between feeling buzzed and BUZZED?!?!

So we went to KTOWN.

And ordered Patron.  By the Bottle.

The end.

I went to work completely drunk the next morning.  After a long day's work, I went home, hoping to hop into my skivvies and sleep it off...WRONG.  I got a call from Jason oppa and his business friends.  An unavoidable drinking session with a coupla oppas.  And it happens again.

Henny. By the Bottle.

The end.

UGHH!!!  Why do we do this to ourselves?

quick blurbs

• i think i may be dying my hair dark soon, really soon.  I'm aching for a change.  i'll probably go dark brown or black because i'd like to resemble a normal Asian again.  but i will miss the "shock factor" aspect of being blonde from the back and then turning around and KABLAM! tri neese.  *bow*  i'm going to have to purchase new hair extensions before dying it, however, as i cannot live without hair extensions (safety blanket).  *EDIT!* ok, now i'm rethinking jetblack.  i'll probably dye it chestnut brown.
• i have to watch Wendy and Lucy and Meek's Cutoff to see what all this Kelly Reichardt plus Michelle Williams hype is all about.  Michelle Williams is my favorite actress, as you probably know.  *EDIT!*  ok, i saw Wendy and Lucy tonight.  It's this tiny verite-style indie drama about life from the viewpoint of the dispossessed (michelle williams) and holy SHMOKES ~she is magnificent.  glad i watched that, if only for her performance.  don't watch it if you can't stand indie dramas that have no significant plot or dialogue.  this one's pretty much a character study. 
• i watched Eros last night.  Wong Kar Wai makes the rain look beautiful and so terribly sad.   
• I also saw Atom Egoyan's The Sweet Hereafter and Sarah Polley kind of freaks me out now.  She's kinda like a possessed genius.  She was supposed to play Penny Lane in Almost Famous and when she decided against the role, Brad Pitt (who was later replaced by Billy Crudup) dropped out.  He only wanted to do the movie if Sarah Polley was attached.  Can you imagine what a different movie it wouldve been starring Brad Pitt and Sarah Polley?
• What's all the fuss with The Sweet Hereafter, anyways?  I was left feeling empty and creeped out by all the Pied Piper of Hamelin references and the incest between Sarah Polley's character and her dad.  i didn't care for the movie at all.  but my two favorite film critics of all time, james berardinelli from reelviews.com and Peter Travers from Rolling Stone, practically busted an egg over it.  so i TRIIIIED to like it, too.  Fail.  :( 
• I must see:  London Boulevard, Black Swan, Rabbit Hole, Somewhere, and Blue Valentine (also starring Michelle Williams... and Ryan Gosling.

ok that's it for now.... i need to take a shower and eat some antibiotics... i've been super under the weather lately - triggered by my period!  =(

Today i was so brave~ AAACK!  *sorry ~ still feeling shock of the adrenaline!*
As you know, i'm deathly shy and afraid of confrontation.  But today, i conquered my fear head on.  Well... kinda....

For a few months now, our upstairs neighbors have been retardedly loud, letting their two big dogs run and jump around causing a mini earthquake in our unit at the most random hours of the day and night.  So i grit my teeth and tried to be patient, but after awhile, it grew into me trying to get USED TO IT (can u believe?), which then led to me having mini panic attacks and crying.  See?  i can withstand a lot before i'll go confront a neighbor.  i'm such a freaking pushover!!!

So today, after being startled awake by the sound of crazy stomping dogs, (and i refuse, refuuuuse to be roused from my slumber by anything other than the severe urge to peepee or a ring from my sister) i wrote a severe, threatening letter (2 pages long) and sneaked upstairs and taped it to their door as quick as i could before scampering downstairs w/ my heart all pounding.  Too bad it was on Hello Kitty stationary because i have no regular college rule paper.   

Let's see if it still continues....

EDIT Sunday Sept 5, 10:10pm --  i just climbed on top of the couch onto my tippytoes to knock on the ceiling and the couch tipped over and i fell onto the vase with branches and came crashing down.  I'm almost in tears!  i'm SO ANGRY!!!  i'm going to threaten the front desk tomorrow morning.  oh crap, it's labor day and they're probably off!  oh well ~ on tuesday i'm going to take my Doggy Chart and show them i mean business.  i've been documenting all the times i'm hearing either barking or stomping along with degree of loudness from 1-5, 5 being loudest.  i'm FUMING right now.  my bum hurts and i got a splinter from one of the branches i fell on.  i literally landed on top of all of them like a frigging sacrificial lamb.


i'm going to go cry now.

more random peaisms

1. You can never have too many matching bra and panty sets. Ask my sister-- she swore to kick my ass if I purchased any more undergarments... (so i do it in secret. HA!)  i have a reckless and destructive rship with Kiki de Montparnasse.  It's not even that I love showing off my knickers to beaus.  I just think they're pretty.  When I wake up in the morning and I throw on a tee shirt, I still feel girly with my pretty undergarments.  PLUS, you never know where the day will take you.   *eyebrow wiggle
2. Heels less than 4" are unacceptable.  Some girls can pull off the kitten heels or the flats or the loafers; i canNOT.  Go high or go flipflop!  When i see Reese Witherspoon in those 3" loo boo tans, i shriek, faint, and die a little inside all melodramatically.  like a black and white silent picture.  
3. South Park is the funniest show in the world.
4. Espresso in the morning is absolutely necessary to function.  If I ever turned into a homelesspea, I'd hold up a sign that says, "Will work for espresso beans," anDEN I'd run up to your car and wash your window with starbucks napkins.   and collect the beans in my pockets til i have enough to roast.
5. I can't stand perfumes and lotions that smell fruity like cheap lotion or antibacterial hand gel.  I've heard that for guys, Bath & Body Works country apple or sun-ripened raspberry lotion on girls = automatic boner potions.  But with fragrances, i always stick to bold scents with spicy and woody notes.  
6. I won't be the first one to say, "I love you." I'm not brave enough, nor will I ever be.  I already know this.
   
   
   
7. You can never have too many cocktail dresses... or heels for that matter. I have a closet full of things I have YET to wear. As I shop, I say to maself, "Omigoodness, this would be perfect for ___________."  I get sudden debilitating hot(outfit)flashes when i see the perfect dress for the perfect occasion or outing that would go with a necklace or clutch or shoes i have at home to make the perfect ensemble. So I proceed to the cash register, swipe card, and then hang it in my closet.  Next to all the other abandoned dresses.  It's a SICKNESS.  To me, dresses and heels are like wearable art.  They decorate my place perfectly. 
8. "A guy and a girl can just be friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever." -Dave Matthews.  I LOVE THIS QUOTE!  that's why i put it on our side bar over there. ===>
9. Having a boyfriend is like finding a quarter on the sidewalk.  You get really happy cos you found something shiny and... omigat!! It's head's up! BUT having a girlfriend is like finding $20 in your back pocket.  You forget it was there, but unexpectedly, when you slip your hand back there and find it, it saves you. $20 = Girlfriends.  $0.25 = Boyfriends.
10. Meeting people who can consume large quantities of alcohol - what's more impressive and fun that that?  BUT!  It's cooler for someone who can't drink to just NOT drink, instead of trying to pound away, turning beet purple, getting kicked out of club, and puking all over the place.  Why's it so unnervingly gross when guys puke?  MEN are NOT supposed to be alcoholically vulnerable like that!  PERIOD!
11. Make me laugh and I'll give you my heart forever.
12. Date Older. I have this weird obsession with guys in their 30's.  Maybe it's the daddy issues creeping in somewhere... but as long as I've known myself, I've adored older men.  I'm a wide-eyed child in awe of everything they do and say.   My sis says i need to stop this because i'm too immature for an older guy.
13. JUXTAPOSE EVERYTHING!!   that is my cardinal rule of dressing.  JUXTAPOSITION. 
14. Liquids that will always be stocked in my fridge till I'm old and gray:  Simply Orange OJ, Beer (for guests), H2O, Cranberry juice, Ginger Ale, Diet Dr. Pepper, Patron, Ketel, some type of Dry Champagne.  Oh, and dry white wine - my sister says you cannot cook anything without a good sauvignon blanc.  A little for the chicken, a bottle for the cook. 
15. When in doubt, blackout.  Oh, i'm just kidding. well, sort of. 
16. Be nice to the door man. 'Cos he'll carry your groceries to your door.
    
    
     
17. Music rocks my world. I'll marry a gittar player one day. But he must also be a professional baseball player too... cos i promised my gramma.  (She's obsessed with the Braves).
18. Getting older has taught me one important truth: Being an adult and growing up is tough. It's not easy. So find the person(s) that makes it exciting...adventurous... and never let go.