Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Lizbotwin Here!

G'day freaks and geeks.  Tis I, your Maker.  i am reporting here from the store, as you can see.  and i've been uber MIA, yes.  summer started off with a bang with North Korea, with BP barfing all over the ocean, and with me psychotically collecting coupons--painstakingly cutting them out, storing them in a sacred holy grail ziplock bag that has a color-coordinated list written on it with the names of stores and the items i have coupons for there.  it's like motherfuggin Beautiful Mind.  remember when maximus goes into that secret hut w/ all those magazine cutouts spattered all over the walls and it's like OHHH shitttt!!!  that's what it's like inside my bag.  it's gotten to the point where it's now a sport.  i won't go to a certain store because i don't have coupons for there.  and i feel this sudden surge of victory like YES! I WIN!  cuz i didn't go to that couponless store and consequently saved 20 cents.  i'm not stingy.  i am, in one word, scarilyfanatical.  If i were in TLC, i would be the "cray cray" - (i'm thinkin that was Left Eye cuz the rapper is always the crazy one.)  i have dreams about finding awesome coupons.  an awesome coupon would be like.... one free carton of eggs.  i redeemed that one at Kroger the other day and almost had an orgasm.  (holy misplaced sexual energy like a priest.)  i used to secretly ridicule coupon cutters and consider it the gayest thing ever, but here i am hoarding them in a baggy and carrying them around in a secret compartment in my purse like it's cocaine.  i've got issues.  hep me.

My mom left for Korea yesterday and she'll be gone for over a month.  That leaves me and my brother Sam to manage the store and watch out for Nicky (adopted brother) and Mimi (pom) and Pippi (chihuahua).  So they all packed their bags--even Meems and Pipps w/ their snacks and doggiebeds and leashes and toys--and abandoned the villa (our family home on Windward Parkway).  Our family home of 5 years is on a 3-acre lot and is 7000 sq ft.  There are 7 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, 1 greenroom, and 5 full baths.  We have a brand-new finished basement that is 1200 sq ft.  it is HUGE.  We're trying to sell it because my mom doesn't want the space or land anymore.  (sidenote:  my mom once found a tortoise the size of a garbage bin lid in our yard and threw the garbage bin over it so she could show us.  5 mins later, it was GONE!  poof!  evaporated!  also, my brother once shredded a huge king snake with his John Deere.  COOL!  btw, this house used to be owned by a major drug dealer who got busted so we got it really cheap!  we ain't wealthy, mkay?  when we first moved in, my sister and i used to knock on the walls to find any leftover stash the DEA mighta missed).

So anyways, my bros left the family house to stay in a 2 bedroom apartment.  which is about the size of our finished basement.  Logical?  yes, because the apartment HAS A POOL!  WEEEEEE!!  (nicky's logic)

Something tells me it's going to be a loooong month of June. 

Peace out,
*i'm on a Weeds marathon craze*

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