Sunday, December 20, 2009

The resistance of a woman to a man's advances is not always a sign of virtue. Sometimes it's just a sign of experience. - Ninon de Lenclos, French courtesan, her beauty and wit attracted the famous men of the day.

i don't always get what I want. Surprised? Haha. It's true! Yes, having bleached hair does help. Towering in sky high heels in little clothing helps, too. Knowing how to read situations, expressions, and people in general comes in handy as well. But there are times when no matter how hard I try to win, i lose. I can dole out all the stops and put on a glitzy show, but i still lose. And it's always a concept that's difficult for me to grasp, not because i'm one of those gals who are spoiled and believe they're the jjang [tha ish], but because at the end of the day, I, like everyone else, want to end up on top and it's bewildering when i don't end up on top. Bewildering!

Back in high school, my first crush was this white kid in my English class. He was Herculean--so beautiful that I never hesitated to let him cheat off of me all semester. Touseled beachy locks, athletic physique, baby blue eyes, straight out of Details, i'm telling you!!! I couldn't talk to him without turning bright red and going, "umm" a gazillion times, much less bustanAstridmove. Till this day, when he crosses my mind I freakin turn red. GAH, I was lost. I didn't even try with him. I didn't even give it a fighting chance (not that i could've nabbed him anyway). Every time i saw him i crashed and burned a little bit inside. But still! It was that whole unrequited love ordeal that made me realize that if i want something, i have to push down my shyness and fear and tackle it.

FF a decade (and a bunch of crazy outfits and phases - Jenkos? UFO's? platform shoes? chunky highlights? baaaaaad makeup?)

Here i am, the current Astrid that i am... or plan to be til this life phase wears out. My sister says that i "put on airs" and have a reputation to many as a no-fear, no holds barred, cavalier, man-izing, maneating, anti-Betty/totally-Veronica seductress. Gosh, unnie! Can u blame a girl for wanting something and going for it? Isn't it human nature? If i want to flirt, i flirt. If i want to kiss a boy, i kiss him. I do what i want. It could be bad, it could get me into trouble, but i've never been the type to deny myself anything. My mother raised us in a very bourgeois boheme kind of way - the world is thine oyster, Astrid. (kinda good kinda bad... our mother is a wholenother post). But what i'm realizing these days is that it's totally true what they say-- with age comes experience. And experiences almost always include some harsh lessons, too. Let's just say i played with fire and i was burnt. No, Astrid, boys are not toys. I am who i am. I cannot switch my personality like All About Eve. I can maybe work at bettering it? But i'm pretty much unapologetic.

The world can always use a little more excitement, anyway. <-- my justification for just about.... everything.

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