T h e P a r k S i s t e r s

I really pity Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. They're always like, "I fell in love with Hef because he has the greatest personality..." And they're so dumb they don't even know how to conceal the tell-tale signs of lying while they're saying it--the biting of the lips, the darting eyes. I can understand a couple like Heidi Klum and Seal and maybe even Christina Aguilera and that jewish man who looks like a bat. I think it's endearing in all its physically mismatched glory. Heidi Klum has said in interviews that she was smitten with Seal upon first glance when he was wearing tight gym clothes. Big shlong, understandable. And Christina Aguilera says her batman knows how to make her happy. So maybe he, like, hangs upside down or something and makes faces. Christina has weird taste. Understandable. But i cannot excuse Hefner's girlfriends. Unless there's some sort of sexual perversion i'm not aware of that's akin to pedophilia except with old people...geriophilia. Alls i know is: it's so sad seeing Hef hobbling around lookin all gummy and dropping in on the girls' magazine photoshoots acting like he even gets horny, like, EVARR. So sad, so sad. He aged a LOT.

That being said, my favorite gf has always been Holly. She is, after all, the prettiest.