Wednesday, May 12, 2010

my alternative soul.

Last night, Nars and I rendezvous'd @ my fave watering hole -Apres Diem- a hole in the wall, Eurotrash haunt in the <3 of Midtown.  Ahh the eurotreasure.  They are definitely my peoples.  So misunderstood.  They just like being naked and crass and totally blunt - is that a crime?  And hey, we're all rude to a certain extent!  Like, in my opinion the men are more often than not, the quintessential rocknrollas that ooze snakecharm and flamboyant style.  I like the men because i love their female counterparts.  If you know me even the slightest bit, you know my <3 of all things moss, paradis, and every now and then, sienna.  (All girls love these three at some point in their lives).  My fave It Girl is currently Georgia May Jagger.  That gap... so tres chic.  Oh gawd, i wish i was born with a gap.  I love the fact that she's only 5'7, eighteen-yrs-old, and dominating the modeling world.  I think she's in Saint Tropez now, to walk Chanel Cruise.  I really do think blondes do it better. 

So back to Apres Diem...i hereby knight it the best place in town to get an honest drink.  And i mean honest!  I ordered  my ketel and sugarfree redbull and and lo and behold, our waitress brings me a full glass of kettle and a can of redbull.  It's DIY and the heavens open up and the angels start singing.  Granted it probably isn't the best idea to drink all that taurine at night and I should've replaced the energy drink with cranberry and 5 limes like i normally do cuz I drove home wired out of my mind, blasting alternative music and being moved by the holy music all by mah coolselfs.

What did Nars & I discuss?  Hmm...Harry Winston diamonds, leopard platform skyhigh heels, law school graduation, monogamy, marriage, cheaters, sex, sex toys, sex favors, hypotheticals, life being too short, the atlanta bubble, LA, how people recycle relationships and seem to be fine with it, secrets, can people change?, engagements, not having children and of course, the future.

I realized last night that I give myself waaaay too much credit.  I can easily spout off ideals and preach a carpe diem-esque mentality and attitude toward life, but at my core, at my alternative soul, I always catch myself holding back in fear of ...well just about everything: rejection, failure, disappointment...etc. I know in the end, I'm not being fair to myself but it's hard to shake.  Instead of breaking down walls, I build them higher.  My vulnerability is my weakness and my own undoing.

However, something I will never succumb to is the ordinary.  I may not know what is it I'm looking for/searching for in life... but what I do know is that it won't be dull. It won't be boring.

"The two best friends had been close since college and shared the same tastes and opinions on most matters, yet when it came to the subject of love, it would be hard to find two more dissimilar viewpoints. Vicky had no tolerance for pain and no lust for combat. She was grounded and realistic. Her requirements in a man were seriousness and stability. She had become engaged to Doug because he was decent and successful and understood the beauty of commitment. Cristina, on the other hand, expected something very different out of love. She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would not have been able to say. She knew what she didn't want, however, and that was exactly what Vicky valued above all else." -Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

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