Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I have this fear of small, confined spaces and of heights. Sometimes, i'm afraid of large groups of people i know because i have slight social anxiety. i inwardly panic when i don't know what to say and pull the ultimate paris hilton and pretend-talk on the phone to NOBODY. but only sometimes! i'm not totally agoraphobic. from time to time i have anxiety attacks. these usually erupt the day after a night of binge drinking or....u know... like, partying too hard. i can tell when they're coming because my hands turn to ice and i have trouble breathing even through my mouth. that's why i always have xanybars in my bag. i have an unusual fear of splinters that not many people know about. if i'm going to be using wooden chopsticks (the kind you pull apart), you better believe i'm gonna be rubbing them together like i'm tryin to start a fiyah.

So today i, Elizabeth Park, faced my first aforementioned fear of confined spaces. I opted not to mystic tan and went to the beds.
i have never UV tanned before in my life, because i'm horrified by it; by the thought of lying down and not being able to move. ironically, for me to shed my vampire white skin, i have to BE A VAMPIRE and shut myself into one of these friggin UV coffins. quelle horror. seriously. the gods are cruel.
First i went to Buckhead and did the High Pressure bed and it wasn't half bad because there's no coffin lid, just a clear bed with bulbs everywhere. plus there was music coming from somewhere and air blowing on me so i felt ok and i could breathe. i took myself away to the Caribbean and imagined lying on the beach and drinking mad booze. It's ok, Liz. It's going to be over soon. You have to do this so you don't get sun poisoning again when you're in Dominican.

Afterwards, to reward myself for facing my fear, i went to Lenox and bought studded ankle boots and a fluffy pink off-shoulder cowl neck cashmere sweater dress. I zoomed to the store and showed my sister my sexybod and she was thoroughly impressed but insisted i go down the street to the Roswell tanning place and do another session. WHAT? ARE U CRAZY? her motto? "Why stick a toe in when you can cannonball?" So i went to the Roswell location in a cold sweat. And of course, they only have the coffins.

Traumarama.

Let's skip the whole experience. I think i might've blocked most of the 12 mins i was entrapped, actually. So this is what it's like to be a hotpocket in the microwave. i almost threw the lid off and ran out of there naked. i panted and held back tears gripping the steering wheel with both hands all the way back to the store and again presented my sexybod to my sister who gasped, "WHOAH URE SO RED! WHAT HAPPENED?" She kept touching my chest and back and her palms felt so cool because my skin was on fire. or i should say, IS on fire. For here i am, currently blogging about the universally customary ordeal of facing a fear. Most fear failure, sickness, the economy, and marriage, but not I. *leaning in* tanning beds.

Anyways, here is my MAYJAH girl crush - Cheryl Cole.


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