Saturday, August 28, 2010

Heroine n. - female hero or protagonist!!

So for the first time in my LIFE ~ i'm on a mad egghunt for a mofuggin jaaaab.  I am spoll'd (paula deen accent) cuz i have never been told to get a jaaab in my entire life.  and i've always had a constant flow.  Now, i need a jaaab because that flow has become a trickle.  i can no longer travel the world and party with my sister because my grandparents are starting to get pissed.  My grandpops has glaucoma and can hardly see, but i can still detect the look of disappointment and consternation in his cloudy eyes when he looks at me.  *sob!*  So i'm trying to find a job.  Not a bartending job for fun and free alcohol.  A day job.  Can someone help me?  i'd make a killer secretary or frontdesk with my organizational skills (and killer kitten heel, business skirt, and cardigan arsenal) and i can count money faster than a bank grade bill counter machine bc i'm used to making it rain.  My grammar and paragraph editing skills are off the chain and i scored nearly perfect on the verbal portion of the SATs.  I am also somewhat funny and do not require lunch breaks because i eat through osmosis ~ touching fashion magazines. But seriously, i'd be an ideal coworker or employee, trust me!  i can pretty much do any kind of job minus hard labor.  and i'm a good writer and cute!  i will be as endearingly earnest and dilligent as a pornstar trying their best to act (despite no voice inflections or facial expressions ~ fast forward....)  So please, drop me a line!

Since the begining of time, have i, liz park, been a super eager kid on the brink of overzealousness (since before the dawn of the ADHD age).  When i was in elementary school, i experienced unfair punishment and spankings by the headmaster many times.  I look back fondly on these memories now, because i think elementary school Lizbert was a hilarious little rebel.  I had coke bottle glasses and permed hair.  I was super smart and liked to talk about disturbing things to my classmates, such as seeing my poor dead kitten with its mouth open and poop coming out of his butt cuz he got accidentally smushed by a fallen pot in the backyard.  Nothing made my heart explode with glee than the EWWWW's!!! and the GROSSSS's!!! of my fellow classmates.

In the 3rd grade, i turned in a homework assignment in which we were to write a sentence for and draw a picture of each spelling word on the week's list.  For the word "heroine" i drew a picture of a baggie with powder in it.  As if that was not enough--as if my illustration was not heroiney enough-- i drew a mofuggin syringe next to it.  My syringe looked like a space rocket.  I still remember what was going through my head:  "Since the baggie is clear and the powder is white, what color pencil do i use?  White pencil won't show up on white paper!!!  OH NO!"  So i used the sky blue pencil.  It was a totally honest mistake; and is a testament to my unintentional keenness to everything in the world--even things i did not understand at all--not to mention my slight offness as a child.  But i got in a world of trouble for it and a meeting with my mom and teacher.   

Heroine n.-female hero or protagonist.

Why did i tell you that story?  i dunno.  Sometimes i reminisce and feel a bit sad for my young self and then i look at my old self, present day, and i feel a bit sad.

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