Wednesday, August 26, 2009

New Beginnings Indeed.

Last night, i asked someone,

"would it be horrible of me to say that i'm the happiest i've ever been in such a long time with my sister back?"

The answer i got was "of course not. She was gone for awhile but during that time, we were always here."

It's been a rocky two-and-a-half years, filled with ups and downs but mostly the harshest downs i've ever experienced. In psychology, it's practically an elementary doctrine that when you have two sisters that are so close in age (and effectually close in bond), the obvious scenario is:

when one sister gets into a serious relationship, the other becomes jealous and overprotective.

And sad. And mourn their dissolving closeness. Maybe she begins to realize that bonds like this are meant to be broken, eventually. Somberly, she faces the music and knows that she has to let go. It's easier said than done. Especially when she can't bear to see her sister being hurt or used. God knows that i did my best to let go and make a quiet exit. For two and a half years! quiet. as... a... mouse. UGHH SO HARD, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!

I am a firm believer in fate, in learning life lessons through experience, and starting anew. The past is spilt milk and i hope with all of my heart that it stays in the past...and does not try to claw its way back via selfish ploys.

Not only for myself in getting my sister back safely, but for her sake. So that she can find true love, true happiness, and never again have to feel like a bad person, or an unwanted guest, or ....lonely. My sister is the most tender-hearted, compassionate, angel of a girl. She is whip smart, clever, and exciting to be near or around. Ask anyone! And she deserves only the best (which-i know, i know-everyone says about a loved one)... but you know what? She deserves someone who can recognize and acknowledge the gift that she is.
I know God does everything for a reason. He never makes mistakes. That's what i tell myself when i look in the mirror, anyways. Ha! I've learned from my mistakes, too. Foremost, I need to let go and let God. (something i heard Andy Stanley once say). (oh, and that is not to be an excuse for laziness, of course). Hand over the reins. Give up my control freak tendencies, because people cannot be caged and told what to do. They have to learn on their own sometimes! And to be more compassionate, like my sister.

Now on to Los Angeles and next month, to Punta Cana!!! Adventures in store, adventures in store!!! *shivering with excitement*


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