When i get married...

When i get married, i envision everything to be very Barefoot in the Park. the crazy charming neighbors, my mom being crazy, wearing slips and my husbands shirts around the apartment and my hair teased and done up like Jane Fonda, and of course, him--the man i married, the doting husband who i always pick fights with and make up with and who always seems to realize how much he loves me especially when he's drunk. and who i would always always laugh at and embarrass for my own hilarious entertainment. I think it would be a new wacky adventure.

Le ZEX.

I'm shocked at how sex is taken so lightly these days. I've had my fair share of romps in the sheets, but my number is nowhere near what's considered the norm. I know for a fact that there are girls in my age bracket [18-25] that have had over 5 different partners a year. It scares me to think that when I have a daughter, she'll be thrust into a society with this mentality that when a guy buys a girl a drink and is pretty nice to her and buys her dinner a few times, she's supposed to put out. Anyway, I got to thinking about sex. Here's what I found. The Stranger did a survey in 2009 and received 6,492 completed sexual surveys. Here's some tidbits I found interesting.

• 95.29% received oral sex
• 94.73% performed oral sex
• 46.08% have had their butt fucked
• 42.86% have cheated on your partner
• 36.82% had sex you didnt regret while strung out on drugs
• 23.29% had sex with a vegetable/fruit
• 19.19% masturbated with your webcam on
• 15.56% peed on someone
• 12.85% been peed on
• 9.22% paid for sex
• 9.16% used viagra/levitra/cialis
• 6.8% been paid for sex
• 3.5% had sex with a homeless person
• 3.05% had sex while watching Anderson Cooper
• 2.19% had sex with an animal (ZOMG.)

Another thing--have you ever looked at a guy and just KNEW he's got a small wanker? There are quite a few guys in Atlanta who fall under this category. It's the logical assumption that when a guy's voice is high pitched, his thingy will be ittybitty. Sometimes I look at pictures of people and think, "Man, i can't even imagine them boning!" Or I imagine how they are in the sack... and you can definitely tell who the stars are for sure.

HEY! Liz here! Allow me to interject with some funfomation. I know many of you may already know that i have a huge history with pornography. As in, i used to watch a lot of porn. I don't care who knows. I'm like an expert. Which i understand may strike some as kind of funny/creepy at the same time. But whatevers, I can get away with it because i'm not a bald fat man. I'm the type of girl who likes to do research on interesting topics and garner whatever firsthand 411 i can. I have a voracious appetite for... well... a lot of things.

Something i was just reminiscing about as Astrid was annoyingly writing this post aloud, is my crazy college days at good ole UGA when one of my gay classmates and i watched a gay porn. If you're gonna have a lot of gay friends, might as well know what they like/dislike and just know what they're about! Right? You got a girlfriend who is Russian, you talk about Moscow Fashion Week! you know? it's fun! So what gets me confuzled is when people talk about "loving gays" and "SAYING NO TO PROP H8!" but they're weirded out by Glambert's male on male smoocheroo and they get all dont-ask-dont-tell about gay sex. it ain't purty. yeah, poop comes out! who cares? i think lesbian sex is way grosser (but that's just because i'm kind of grossed out by butches and can't help it and i'm sorry, ok? im sorry).

whatevers! If you're gonna support someone, you support every grain and aspect of that person. Yes, the Bible says love the sinner; hate the sin, but when you love someone, you love them-- you just love them. You don't sit there focusing on their negs and cons and all their friggin sins. I mean, who does that? I'm not gonna cast the first stone! i can't! if anything i'd be the first stoned =(.

PS. how come we Christians get so up-in-arms about "the homosexual problem" when there are far worse sexual problems running rampant in society? Dude, Precious is a movie about a girl (who is a hunk of melting fudge) who gets RAPED and impregnated by her FATHER. This kind of stuff really happens! There are rapists who still have multimillion dollar sports contracts! Who is to say what kind of sexual sin is the worst? I mean, does God have them on certain levels of puninshable-ness? Even sex before marriage is against the Bible's teachings!!! How many of us are guilty of that? hm? just sumpthin to chew on....

xoxo,
Astrid + Liz.

Thanksgiving Day.

That's our brother. He looks the most like our Big Uncle.
I don't think our Big Uncle is ever vulnerable. I don't think he even eats, because in nature, feeding is when prey are most susceptible to attack. And in the animal kingdom, my Big Uncle would either be a wolverine or a sasquatch or a loch ness monster. (no predators).

Today i woke up completely tossed and sauced because of him. I have never seen anyone drink as much as him and be totally fine. It's kind of disturbing. Astrid and I woke up at 7am and started cooking. We cooked our hineys off while blasting Lady Gaga because her music somehow makes you move faster; she's like audial cocaine. The rest of the house was chillaxing and watching tv and talking and laughing and she and i were slaving away behind the scenes like line chefs in the dinner rush. We even have a curtain that divides the kitchen from the rest of the house. Oh, btw! Last night, my Grampa, Gramma, Aunt and Uncle spent the night! Nick, Sam, me, Astrid, and my mum. and two dogs. that's 11 heads. Our home was so bustling and full of sounds.

We ate at 2:30 because that's when all the food was finished. We always overcook. And afterwards, i did five billion dishes. I'm not even exaggerating. I was SO SO thirsty but i didn't want to take off my wet gloves, so i asked my bro to put my Diet Sprite can up to my mouth and he... freakin Chinese waterboarded me. I spat it all up and it fizzed all over my face and i gasped, "YOU'RE DROWNING ME!" My sister and i cooked everything but the turkey. I ain't cooking a turkey when it takes 9 billion hours; this is a recession! So we bought a Publix turkey. it wuz gud. HAHA! it wuz gud. that's how 4th graders write when they're trying to be cool.

Now everyone's passed out!! And we're still trying to debate whether we want to take everyone to the Lake Lanier lights show or Black Friday shopping at Lenox. My sister doesn't want to go to the North Ga Premium Outlets because she thinks their merchandise is too secondrate. I happen to like the Outlets, gah. Anyways, i'm gonna go downstairs and check on Meems. Laterdudes!

xoxo,

Liz

Happy Thanksgiving My Kittens!

I may be a shot nazi...but tonight...I was the one being forced to take shot after shot. By whom you ask?? My Uncle. I can't ever say no to him and he's a professional drinker. At this very moment, I have a double shot of vodka in my hand and things are getting fuzzy. I'm typing very carefully so I won't make any grammatical errors.

My uncle's in town from Korea. He's my mum's eldest brother and he's also the most gangsterish too. He's the ultimate man's man. the definition of an alpha male. He even looks like a werewolf. Everytime he comes to visit, we crack open a bottle and talk about all my adventures. My uncle has great insight on men. He and all his buddies get together once a week, camp out in the mountains, eat meat, drink, and smoke themselves into oblivion and talk. He loves asking about my love life. According to him, I should always update him on the guys in my life and he can weed out the bad ones....after all, he used to be one of them.

A reformed napeun sheki's views on life, love and other disasters:

- Play all you want when you're young. How else will you know what kind of man you're really looking for? Date all different types of guys because you'd be surprised at who you really end up loving and marrying.

- A real man should be able to drink. He should be able to handle his liquor and not turn into a ridiculous fool when wasted. It's imperative that he be able to handle his intake. And he must must must be able to drink more than the girl.

- You can always see a man's true colors when he's drunk.

- When you think of the man u want to marry, your first instinct is to look at appearance, wealth, education...etc. Girls fail to realize that the things that they look for in a husband are things that husbands look for in a wife too. But at the end of the day, the most important thing is truly loving that person. When you truly love someone, everything else comes into place. But if you marry for money, or to make pretty babies, or even up your status, you won't be happy and something will always seem like it's missing.

It will be thanksgiving soon, so i'd like to take a second to tell you some of the things i'm thankful for. I will always feel blessed to have the outlook I do on life. It's disgustingly optimistic. I'm thankful for having the world's best family. I love my mum. She's the best person I know. My mum is a spitfire of a woman and I will forever try to follow in her footsteps and be exactly like her. I love my sister. She's the only person that understands me through and through. She is able to put up with all my idiosyncrasies; she is my heart and i cannot survive in this world without her. My brother is and always will be the constant man in my life. He puts me in place and always defends and protects me, even if i'm in the wrong. I'm thankful for the relationships i've formed in my 25 years of living. I"m so lucky to have an arsenal of such an eclectic plethora of kindred spirits. Every single day is an adventure. My crazy rollercoaster charmed life could not be any more grand. My, i'm blessed.

xoxo, Astrid

P.S. My Uncle's a smart one. He dragged me outside to have a ciggie

with him. oh gah. :(

Crimes of Fashion

Ahhh~ the holidays are right around the corner. The Christmas music, the different variations of Jingle Bells--jazz, orchestral, pop, r&b, Kenny G-- on constant rotation everywhere from the shopping malls to Starbucks and even on the radio while you're driving from the shopping malls to Starbucks. The smells of pine and cinnamon apple, the food that's infused with sage and butter. The food coma.

Yes, the holidays remind me of so many things. And one thing in particular....

Shoplifting.

I, like many--and i'll dares say most--Koreans, used to be a compulsive shoplifter or what i like to call thieffette. When I was in middle school, an upperclassman asked me to go to the mall with her. Back then, we all went to Gwinnett Place Mall for some reason. Anyways, I said okay. We browsed through clothes and shoes and bags, and I began to notice that she never actually purchased anything, yet she seemed to be accumulating all this stuff as we went from store to store. Being the naive pea I was at the time, I felt bewildered and amazed simultaneously. I remember that day so clearly...

Peas: "Where'd all that stuff come from?"

Upperclassman: "Oh this?" I just took it."

Peas: O.o

Upper-classman: "You can get away with it you know. You can have everything you want, and not have to pay a single cent for it."

It was my turn. She asked me to get her a mickey mouse ring from the disney store. I was given some pointers and quickly shoo'ed into the store. My heart was pounding. My hands were clammy. And I felt like I was going to throw up. I grabbed the ring, and made my way to the exit. Success. With her coaching me from the sidelines, I was home free. I passed my initiation into the coolkids club. And then I felt it...the rush, the excitement, the wickedness!


My first solo lift was at Sanrio Surprises. A friend and I jacked overpriced-yet-adorable jelly pens, mechanical pencils, notebooks, and such. Gradually, it went from a $4 pens to Gucci sunglasses and $300 denim.


I was a savvier Winona. I had a system. And i wasn't cracked out on oxycontin. Nothing was unshopliftable. I was proud of myself. My mentality was, let's see how far i can take this thing. It's bigger than me now. It's an addiction. My technique was unbelievable. I could take 6 items into the fitting rooms and come out with 6 items but with 10 items hiding under the clothes i wore to the mall. It was better than any drug--cliche, but true.

And then the inevitable happened.


Location: H&M in NYC

When: the Holidays

Why: During the holidays, there's more store traffic meaning store staff is usually grossly understocked or pointlessly overstocked with holiday workers who are pretty much incompetent. The result?: mayhem and an extra hectic environment.

Logic: The perfect opportunity to swipe.

I carried a large Chanel Cabas tote and off I went. (what kind of psycho steals while carrying Chanel? me, obviously. and WI-NO-NA FOR-EVER.) I began stuffing my expensive luxury bag with belts, purses, dresses...etc. My sister caught me and told me to stop. She said that an employee was talking about me (i have the ears of an elf and can hear ladybugs talking, is what she always says). I just figured she was being paranoid or trying to spook me. Lo and behold, as I was trying to leave the store, the security officer stopped me. "Please follow me, miss." I was taken to the back room. (My sister also...she was considered an accomplice. HAHA!) This guy dumped my purse and everything fell out. Imagine someone dumping out mary poppins' bag. It was THAT bad!!! An entire wardrobe plopped out. Fuggin trees came out. It was EPIC. I plead that it was my first time and even made myself shed tears. I think they still have my picture hanging up in their back room. I filled out some paper work and left with a slap on the wrist. As I walked out with my sister, I threw my head back (karleen-style) and let out a huge evil cackle (again, karleen-style). After all that drama, I was STILL able to swipe a beautiful, red beaded belt. I guess, in a way, I felt like I was giving them a big "F YOU!" To this day, i remember my sister's appalled "omg, you've gone completely mad" face. it looks like this =0


I'm older now. I don't shoplift anymore. The only thing I seem to swipe is men's clothes. I have a zillion mens t-shirts in room. I have acquired quite a faboolicious men's collection. I adore my guy friend's clothes... the smells, the misadventures, the laughs.


Anyway, like i said, I don't steal anymore. First of all it's wrong and I strongly believe in karma and I feel like karma definitely got me back in various ways. And secondly, how pathetic would that be if i was 25 and shoplifting? Pathetic and trashy! But I do believe that the "stealing phase" is something that every adolescent goes through, ya know? Now, I just steal on accident, unconsciously, i swear. Yesterday i walked out of Sephora with a Masaki Masaki eau de parfum rollerball. I was just twiddling and spinning it in my hand and the next thing i remember is getting home and finding it in my bag. WUT THE?!?! The devil must have a hold on me! I need to return it, i feel so bad. So the lesson, my dear kittens is that although you think you're being slick and getting away something, karma is always watching and will eventually nip you in the butt. SO DON'T DO IT!

Atypical Saturday Night

Okay, my puppies. Saturday was another hockey game because Eric scored box seats from his distributor. So he and I along with my sister and Challs went to Phillips Arena to see the Thrashers play. Whose brilliant idea was it to pre-drink on the way down to the arena?!! like, literally. We took a brand new bottle of patron, shot glasses and cranberry chaser into the car and threw discretion to the wind as we flew down the highway, taking swigs while trying not to spill and drinking even through the toll booth: "Uhh, i think you should turn the lights off back there..."

Such a bad example of drinking and driving (literally) but the partying had already begun and there was no turning back! When we arrived at our parking deck, half the bottle was gone...meaning, it was already turning out to be a spectacular night!

The box belongs to a Georgia Crown distributor. We walk in, already smashed. No need for them to distribute nada to us. Challs was flirting with anything that moved. ..mostly large, older black women with really exquisite wigs--they love him. There was a lot of food and infinitely better, unlimited alcohol at my fingertips! DANGERZONE. For a brief moment, I stood there in front of bottles and bottles of top shelf liquor and smiled. It was the genuine happyhappy joyjoy smile. LAME!! I quickly grabbed the don julio and liquored everyone up even more...even Georgia Crown's other guests. I really do think i have a knack for getting people wasted. I probably watched about 1/4 of a period. I was way too busy schmoozing and boozing with the alcohol distributing elite of Atlanta.

We killed 1.5 bottles of don julio. Just imagine... 4 people inhaling THAT much tequila in that short time span. Shudder. And tequila makes Challs crazy. And historically, it makes Eric black out. Why does it seem like tequila is every man's weekness? it's my and my sister's favorite drink of all time (although lately, my sis has been getting smashed alone on vodka for shits and giggles, because she infused it with gogi berries from Korea bc it makes the alcohol sooo high in antioxidants and sooo healthy--excuses!) ANYWHOOS, after the game was over and we were proper toss'd, we went to Bistro because the night was still young. Drank some more there. Then it was off to Geisha House in Atlantic Station for Karleen's bday.

It was a lot of fun and we saw old familiar faces of ppl we love and took pictures and said Happy Bday and disappointingly, we we had to leave early because Challs has to promote at Primal Nightclub and we had to get there before midnight. As we were stumbling around the parking deck looking for our car, challs and my sister start getting all "sid and nancy" on me. I think eric was scared. HAHA. We continued to wander aimlessly around the parking deck... and then it dawned on us... WE TOTALLY LOST THE CAR! None of us could remember where we parked. We all deduced that we went up an elevator. Okay. There are like 4 or 5 elevators. So we ended up wandering around for 45 minutes. Effing fantastic. We finally gave up and walked back into Geisha House to find someone who knew where we had parked. Jacob came to our rescue and found the car for us. Gah, we are pathetic and Goodness, Jacob is a Dark Angel!

Primal. Around this time, I could barely stand. I was passed out in the car. But i had to do what everyone else wanted to do, so I was pretty much sleepwalking in Primal. How seks. Afterwards, we somehow managed to get home because of my sister who may have ZERO sense of direction and road common sense, but can at least drive in a straight line. Man, I wish Nars had been out with me. She always pieces the night together so eloquently and then ties it all up with a big red bow with my name on it! BAM! And that's how it all went down!

There was drama the next morning. But then again, it wouldn't be my life if there wasn't any drama, you know? That's how i think of things. You just learn to take the good with the bad. Besides, after such a spectacular saturday, i'll take whatever bullshit i need to.

xoxo,

Astrid

Interesting Facts About Pixar's UP!

(which i happen to believe is the best animated film ever made, on so many levels.)

Russell is physically based on Peter Sohn, a Korean American Pixar animator and director of Up's opening short film, Partly Cloudy.
When the producers of Up met veteran film and television star Ed Asner and presented him with a model of his character, he joked "I don't look anything like that." Asner voices Mr. Fredericksen... whose grouchy yet lovable character is based off Walter Matthau.

Young Ellie is voiced by Elie Docter, the daughter of the film's director Pete Docter. He also directed Monsters, Inc. She provided some of the children's crayon-based drawings shown by Ellie."Cross your heart! Cross it! CROSS IT!!"

400 young boys auditioned for the role of Russell. Jordan Nagai, a 7-year-old Japanese American who wasn't even auditioning (his brother was) got the part when the director noticed he talked nonstop like the character Russell. Nagai was instructed to act physically as well as vocally and was tossed around and held upside down for the part where Russell encounters Kevin.
The same actor does the voices for Dug and Alpha when his collar is broken and his voice is funny and high.

Adventurer Charles F. Muntz (the antagonist of the movie) is voiced by Christopher Plummer aka Captain von Trapp from The Sound of Music. Muntz is inspired by Charles Lindbergh and Howard Hughes.

Director Pete Docter and Producer Jonas Rivera cite Hayao Miyazaki (Spirited Away, Ponyo, Howl's Moving Castle), Dumbo, and Peter Pan as inspirations for Up.

Up is the third Pixar film to be scored by Michael Giacchino, after The Incredibles and Ratatouille.

The Message that the Director hopes audiences take from the film:

"...that the real adventure of life is the relationships we have with other people, and it's so easy to lose sight of the things we have and the people that are around us until they're gone. More often than not, I don't really realize how lucky I was to have known someone until they're either moved or passed away. So, if you can kind of wake up a little bit and go, 'Wow, I've got some really cool stuff around me every day', then that's what the movie's about."

Makes Me Feel Better...

Ok, so...

I feel kind of bad about yesterday's blogrant. I was just in a bad mood stemming from certain current situations. and i'm not perfect: sometimes i get angry and blow up [doll] although, normally i like to keep it to myself rather than show the world that i can be a mean Beth (my terribly blunt alter ego).

I feel like i was really mean. i lost my temper. So i'm sowies.

Right. Moving right along.

When i see pics of photoshopped stars, it makes me feel better about myself and my unphotogenicness. (my sister has always taken better pictures than i). it's ok. i have a way awesomer personality and i'm also funnier than her. anyways, i stumbled across these before and after shots on some random webpage. and then i found these gorge pictures of Cheryl Tweedy (my female crush) from her calendar. she's SO pretty, she's like a hotter version of Sloane from Entourage! behold... i give you worn 'n torn celebs! and then hot Cheryl!

On the Fly Miscellaneosity

3 Biggest Pet Peeves of the Moment:

1. Know it Alls. What's wrong with these people? They think they're knowledgably infallible. I really believe that these are the weakest people, emotionally and mentally. It's like Hubris; a fatal flaw. Maybe their parents raised them as if they were little kings. Know it Alls lack common sense and courtesy, and what korean people call "noonchi" [n. tact]. This retardation of character in turn makes them come off as rude, arrogant, and pitiful to the everyday person. Whenever i come across a Know it All, i don't even fight back with rebuttals or corrections because there's just no use and it's a losing battle--even if i am 100% right and they are utterly mistaken. Know it Alls prove that you can, indeed, at once be smart as hell and absolutely obtuse. They make me so angry but i need to calm myself iago because then i'm letting these mutants win. (and they always have to win... it's like the driving force of their sad lives).

2. People who don't understand the rules of simple grammar. For ex: in the following sentence, "He went with my sister and me to the supermarket." -- correct.

"He went with my sister and I to the supermarket." -- INCORRECT, you IDIOTS.

3. People (particularly GIRLS) that drill other people shamelessly for gossip, info, and the 411 on the personal lives of others. Are you really that bored? And do you not feel embarrassed for yourselves when you do that? Even when one of my friends or somebody i know mentions that she/he is going to the movies, i don't even like asking "with who?" or "who all's going?" It feels cheap. Gossiping is a shameful act. I learned that the hard way in High School aka the Darkest Time of My LIFE aka my Blue Period. And i felt its wrath when my friggin face was plastered all over some crazy internet website and i got ten million texts the next day and suddenly everyone in ATL knew about it. It sucks. Now i do my best and restrict my own chatter to fun info exchange between my sister and me or someone i can truly trust with my life (like Bunnie, my BFF in Connecticut). And i will be the first to admit that this is something that is difficult to refrain from participating in... after all, who doesn't enjoy hearing something juicy on someone else--it's only human! My solution is concentrating on celeb gossip instead. (i am an expert on celeb gossip! keke)

End of Vent. Thank you for listening! I feel much better now. Anyhoos, these are 4 films i am interesting in enjoying at the theater. As you probably already know, i refuse to watch films that receive low scores on Rottentomatoes.com and i must first read the film's glowing reviews by 1. Peter Travers for Rollingstone and 2. James Berardinelli for Reelviews.net. They are my movie gurus and i trust them, always. I'm really OCD when it comes to going to the theater. I don't know why. And i always think my movie is definitely going to be sold out or packed for some reason.

i think my mum thinks it strange that i drink everyday. Ups!

B-b-b-ut!! Its SOOOO delicious, mum. I have to.

And plus, it's her fault she brought back a big jar of some kind of exotic slightly fermenting Korean berries from the Motherland--which, duh, i poured vodka into, immediately... what was her intention for those berries, anyways??!!! OMG, these weird berries are so tart and so delectable for alcohol. It just kills the taste.

Oh, wow, i just saw a preview of Avatar by James Cameron. It looks amazing. I really liked the lead actor from the latest Terminator film. What's his name again? Sam...something. He's Australian. Oh noes, i really should not drink and blog!!! I'm so paranoid i will write something stupid, or worse, make a typo.

xoxo,

Liz

ps. i love you whoever reads our blog. i love you, forrealz.

Music Rummaging

i love mat kearney's voice. it's so manly. he just sounds handsome.
i love joshua radin's voice. " ". " ".

i love priscilla ahn's voice. i envy her talent. she's like a tiny girl bob dylan.

Yeeeeup, that's what i'm listening to now. i love beautiful music. melody, aura, resonance. music that you makes you connect to some point in time; that makes you feel like you're in a movie; that takes you back somewhere, slowly.

And then i love Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch. catchy frenzy. dance music. i can definitely do the walking robot to it when i'm practicing alone.

i do most my my music mulling in the wee hours of the morning / late late at night.

And i add them onto our mixpod for you all to taste test. :)

this is totally irrelevant, but i can hear coyotes howling outside from off in the distance.

coyotes are dogkillers!!! i'm scared. i need to go to sleep asap.

Goodnight Neverland,
Liz

Androgyny

Brad Pitt- eat your heart out. This may be the prettiest man i have ever seen.
Bill Kaulitz, 20, frontman of the band Tokio Hotel. Allegedly not gay. Just very effeminate. Chyeah, I'll say. Frickin looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt. His whole presence conjures up the the film Velvet Goldmine... the whole androgynous 70s British glamrock scene. Honestly, though, didn't rockers have such explosive style back then? It was bombastic. Baroque. Positively chichi.
It was said that after the Beatles [Bee'-ulls] broke up, London city veered EGGSTREME! Teenagers radically adulterated the fashion culture to sire their own unique styles. It was reactionary. Gone was decor and orthodoxy. Gone were the barricades that once prohibited freedom from disintegrating into anarchy. The youth were no longer sexually coy -- contrarily, they emblazoned their sexuality on themselves, via fashion, music, and art for the public to behold. It was all about marijuana, cocaine, bisexuality, trisexualtiy, octopusexuality, and music 24/7. It was the revelry of the obscene, the new wave of Sodom and Gomorrah and heaven on earth. Everything was okay. Everything was open. David Bowie understood it. Lady Gaga is reviving it - and it is violently sexsay and unnerving.

"Let the children lose it
Let the children use it
Let the children boogie"





So tonight, after happening upon the photo of Bill Kaulitz from Tokio Hotel, i received my inspiration from the fashion gods for next year's Halloween (seeing as i missed out on this past Halloween's festivities and was unable to execute my Smurfette costume as planned.) I will be..... dun Dun DUNNN..... David Bowie as ZIGGY STARDUST! i can't wait. maybe Astrid can make me a costume! One year is plenty of time! Get to work, slave!

Saturday Recap

It's a gorgeous Sunday afternoon and Mimi, Pippi, my sis, and i are sprawled on the couches watching the Falcons game. Last night I went to the Gwinnett Gladiator's hockey game with Eric. The Gwinnett Gladiators are the Atlanta Thrashers' minor league team. What's not to love about hockey? Grown, burley men beating the crap out of each other. Shweeeet.

We actually went to watch his friend Dan Sullivan, aka Sully play. He's this HUGE Canadian dude that straight up looks like a bear...and then he opens his mouth and out comes that accent where all the words are bent to an O shape and an "EH" is added to the end of everything. His wife, Liz, is this pretty, petite blond that sneaked in a bottle of white zin in her purse. My kind of chick!

Sporting events are freakin awesome. Whats even MORE awesome is getting fabulously tossed at the sporting event! I like to try and make eye contact with the players... you know... givem a lil eye brow wiggle. And I must admit, they are mighty attractive. Hockey players are tough manly men. They're usually tall and have facial hair. They're more gangsta than other athletes because they WANT TO fight!! Sully got thrown in the penelty box 3 times. In the 3rd Period, the we were losing 11-3. Sully picked a fight with the opposing team and decked him...Hard. *sigh* *swoon!*

After the game ended, Liz took us downstairs to the waiting lounge where all the girlfriends were. I was surprised for 2 reasons. (1) All the players walked in wearing suits! They were all so dapper and handsome! Imagine a room full of well-dressed, 6'2 men....*the heavens open up and the angels start singing* (2) The girlfriends are apparently rotated out about every month. Liz is the only "wife" and therefore is always segragated by the other bitches. They are all skinny blondes that probably used to be popular cheerleaders in highschool but failed at being successful in any other arena and decided to land a hockey player in hopes of someday, becoming an NHL hockeywife.

After the game, Sully and his Gladiators had to go to McRae's Tavern on Perry St. to sign autographs for fans. I'm telling you, this bar was packed to the brim with a motley crue... flaming homosexuals that all looked like that Glambert guy, po white trash rednecks from the backwoods, pretty blondes and brunettes, and what i refer to as "the Confederacy"--u know, the ones that look like they recreate the Civil War in full costume and would probably call you a chink to your face! LOL. Right before he opened the doors of the tavern, Sully goes "Ready to see the mutants?" and then he does this fistpump and says "LETS DO THIS!!!!" ahahahah....so funny. Eric and I decided to tag along...and then...it happened.

ANOTHER FREAKIN PANIC ATTACK!!! *throws hands up in the air* FREAKIN REDICK. I ended up puking and went into full-on anxiety mode. I think I scared eric. I sat curled up in a ball outside, rocking myself back and forth trying to breathe. Breathe damnit BREATHE! I'd walk a couple steps, then squat back down, then rock myself again. I did this till I finally got to his car. I had to lie down and just wait till the attack left me. How freakin embarrassing. Every single time... EVERY SINGLE TIME my panic attacks hit me at the most perfectly wrong time. And then, as if the gods had not frowned on me enough,

I STARTED MY PERIOD!!! AHHHHH!!!

Wow, funny how everything inconvenient happened in bulk. Eric said his goodbyes got me a ginger ale, swedish fish, and Sully's autograph and drove me to my car. I passed out during the entire drive and woke up just as we were pulling into the neighborhood. At this point, I feel horrible. I ruined a perfectly good night. I was determined to make it up. We went down the street to ihop. Grits and good conversation never tasted so good.

The End!

-Astrid

Blue Bloods...True Bloods

"And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool." -Daisy Buchanan


Once there was a girl who dreamt that her knight in shining armour would ride up on a white horse and take her to his castle in paradise. This dream was ingrained in her innermost being from the time she was a child but little did she know that there's fine print to what being swept away by prince charming entails.

I've always been infatuated with the lives of others. You could call me a voyeur. You could call me a spy. But I like to think of myself as a part-time anthropologist... studier of all things people. My latest discovery and obsession is the Korean Blue Bloods aka families of aristocratic decent--the uppercrust of society; those i like to call: The Glitterati. Now, I know that we're living in the 21 century and all, but you'd be naive to think royalty still doesn't exist.

After extensive research, I had come to the conclusion that it's almost always the women who tend to marry up in the world and men who are more prone to marrying down. I was absolutely, positively INCORRECT. I then discovered the world of the KBBs. This is what it's like: as children, KBB female spawn are like putty in the hands of their parents (primarily mothers) who mold them into the perfect "wife". Everything from posture, extra-curricular activities, ettiquete, body (they had better be thin or be dieting at puberty) and of course, education are predestined, clear and concluded. Thoroughbred horses. Old money tends to bring out the funny in people. As they get older, the KBB female spawn's job is to master the techniques required to land the perfect husband. From cooking, speaking, and even dressing like the part of a WASP. Oh and of course, she has to have an extensive ivy league education. That's always an obligatory imperative.

Think Madame de Tourvel from Dangerous Liaisons. From the day she was born, her parents put her on the trajectory of marrying into a distinguished, honorable, notable family. All this sounds gravy right? What your parents fail tell you, is that as a Stepford wife, the most important and imbedded prerequisite is the robotic ability to look the other way. Your husband will most likely have a mistress. He will have a plaything. He will have girlfriends. So I guess it all really comes down to the question of whether or not you're willing to marry a man that you know will most likely cheat.

No brainer? Well, think about it carefully. On one hand, you are the creme de la creme of society. You have power, position, wealth, and a respectable, maybe even an enviable husband. You have the opportunity and can provide the best of everything for your children and even your children's children. Every door, every window is wide open. You never have to worry about anything but what shoes to purchase next or what you'll tell the cook to make for dinner. The one thing you WON'T have is your husband's 100% attention, adoration and amore. At best you might have 75% of it, and that's being generous. So... is it worth it?

Wealth and status are important, but are they the most important things when it comes to finding a mate? You hear the word "gold-diggers" thrown around here all the time. My friend Alex says that in the world of gold-diggers, there are men who don't mind buying a purse here and there for a chick as long as she puts out. There's an understood ratio calculating the amount of stuff to the amount of sexual stimulation one partner receives... but i'll save that discussion for another day! My point is, how much does it cost to swallow your pride and allow the person that you've dedicated your life to, to not reciprocate?

My answer? Tempting, but no amount of wealth or power or status or free shoes can compel me to marry unless the man is all mine. My husband is one thing that I refuse to share with anyone. The idea of marriage scares me enough already, but when you toss in the monkeywrench of acceptable adultery, it's scarier--and even scarier still, thinking of what i'd tell my kids and how it would damage them. I don't want to raise broken children. I don't want to be a broken trophywife. I don't plan on marrying soon, but when I do, I will marry the man that I can be a wife to during the day, and a mistress to at night... the true blood kind of love that runs deeply and resonates through decades.

xx,

-Astrid